The Territorial Police in Ngogwe, Buikwe district, has in custody, a one Mugerwa Muhammad, a 29-year-old, boda boda rider, of Bulenga village, Kikwayi Parish, Ngonwe sub-county, in Buikwe district, for the Aggravated torture of his wife, Nakazi Gertrude, a 25-year-old, resident of Kikwayi village. The facts gathered indicate that the husband suspected his wife of infidelity, after she spent a night outside their marital home, on the 19.10.2022 and returned the following day of 20.10.2022, at around 9pm. The suspect developed an intention of inflicting serious injuries on his wife, as a form of punishment. He timed when his wife was deep asleep, and boiled hot water, which he poured in the genitals of his wife, thus, causing very severe injuries and lacerations on her private parts and body surroundings. The victim screamed for help, due to the much pain and agony she was going through. She was rushed to Kawolo Hospital for treatment and her husband arrested.
This is an example of extreme domestic violence and revenge by men, who react with fury, instead of seeking better help on how to resolve domestic conflicts including suspicious of infidelity. Being betrayed in a relationship does not feel fair or right, and it can bring out your rage, even if you are a peaceful person. You get mad at the person with whom your partner had the affair. You also feel angry at your partner too. And may feel angry at yourself for not seeing what went wrong and possibly preventing it. Usually when partners or spouses find out their partner cheated a part of them wants to put it in the past and work with their partner to repair the damage done, while another part of them is still very pissed off. And this is where the urge for revenge after an affair comes up strongly.
In some instances, people do not realise that a reaction welling up side them constitutes a revenge. For instance, they start hurtful teasing or joking, destruction of property, criticism, spreading gossip about their partner or the other person, refusal to talk or listen, withholding sex, aggression toward the other person or your partner, threatening to have an affair, and even having an affair. The desire for revenge comes from raw emotions, where you want your partner to know how it hurt you, when they cheated. Some believe they will feel better if they can somehow “get even” and revenge appears to be the perfect way to do so.
However, revenge does not work out that way. When you seek revenge, you do send a message to your partner and possibly others, as well, but at a significant cost. You drown yourself even deeper in emotional pain, grief, fear, sadness, anxiety, nervousness, insecurity, vulnerability and build up anger and other intense feelings instead of releasing them in a healthy manner. You even push an even bigger wedge between you and your partner.
In most cases, revenge does not just punish and hurt your partner, but it also hurts you too. It is therefore, important to find an outlet for anger, without criticising or directing hostility inward. Notice what is going within you and find a healthy way to express how you feel. Give yourself space and freedom to let those emotions come out. Retrain from name calling or violent talk and actions and do not assume you know what is true for your partner.
It is also advisable to refocus on what you want. Remember you are the only one who decides, whether you will concentrate your attention and energy on what happened in the past, or on what is true today. Focus on what is changing and also on what you do want for your relationship now and in the future. It is not about denying or ignoring the fact, that your partner had an emotional affair, but an invitation for you to take a different approach, by being more aware, able to communicate and help create the relationship you want to have.
Finally, recognise the improvements both you and your partner are making, even if they are still in the process. What are the habits that you are starting to change, that used to bring tension and distance to your relationship? Have you taken steps to turn them around? What are the ways your partner is following through, keeping his or her promises and proving with actions, that real improvement is happening When you live mostly in the present movement, guess what happens to those revenge desires? They get weaker and pass on, which enables you to rebuild trust and repair your relationship.
We continue to call upon the public, that if you are at a risk of domestic violence or abuse, please call the Child and Family Protection Unit on 0800199195 for emotional support. They also attend to individuals who need confidential help with their own abusive behaviors.
SCP Enanga Fred
Police Spokesperson
24th October 2022
